MLB: JUDGMENT DAY

So it's come down to this...

For the first time Tuesday, baseball general managers recommended instant replay be used to help umpires.

This is just one step toward eliminating umpires from the game completely. I'm guessing that by the year 2010, all on-field officiating will be performed by cybernetic organisms that will be able to call all plays irrefutably. This will inevitably backfire when Jonathan Papelbon argues a called strike, which will trigger the previously top secret "emotion chip" in the home plate cyborg, causing it to unite all the umpiring cyborgs in Major League Baseball in waging war upon all humans.

But what about slowing down a game that is already excruciatingly slow? What's the solution, Major League baseball GMs?

"To speed up games, baseball was considering limiting when a hitter could step out of the batter's box between pitches, restricting the number of times a player could visit the mound, and limiting the number of players allowed to visit the mound."

In ordinance with that, Nomar Garciaparra will be fitted with a perimeter collar, which will "explode his head most egregiously" if he steps out of the batters box for more than three seconds.