BLUETOOTH AT DEFCON 5

Your star Fantasy RB just put your team in the lead, and you're calling your opponent to brag. You want to make sure he gets the message loud and clear. Enter: the Jawbone bluetooth headset.

Apparently this little badass's "Noise Shield" contains military grade audio technology. I don't know why I need a bluetooth that's military grade, or even what that means, but it makes me feel good walk into Old Navy and knowing my headset is cooler than the one the guy folding jeans is wearing.

The company was founded in 1999 by Alexander Asseily and Hosain Rahman, who met as Stanford undergrads and shared a belief that creating a noise-free environment was critical to improve mobile communications and a vital step towards voice being the dominant interface for mobile devices.

How do you find out someone shares a belief like that? Were they at a football game when suddenly Alexander, trying to make a phone call cast his phone to the ground in disgust? And then Hosain grabbed him by the arm and said "Good friend. I think we share the same belief?"

Since 2002, Aliph's technology has been optimized for DARPA to maximize communications clarity in the most hostile conditions.

Hmmm... so who is this so-called "DARPA" and what does "it" do?

DARPA’s approach is to imagine what capabilities a military commander might want in the future and accelerate those capabilities into being through technology demonstrations. These not only provide options to the commander, but also change minds about what is technologically possible today.

Which means that when you leave Central Command - a.k.a. the gray cubicle at the marketing firm in which you work - you don't want to be caught purchasing an Abba Zabba at the vending machine without it.

Even though you'll end up looking like a Bond villain while wearing it - hopefully one without a highly noticeable physical deformity that defines your codename - this headset really seems to do the trick (as evidenced by this.)