Picture this scene: You've just spilled your Hefeweizen all over a guy who looks like he could have starred in Ultimate Ultimate Knockouts. Instead of politely accepting your apology, the giant in cutoff denim sleeves requests - nay, demands - your presence at the nondescript, yet very specific "outside."
Here are a few tips to diffuse the erratically ticking time bomb that is your situation:
Apologize sincerely for whatever it is that has angered the man, but do so only once. Apologizing over and over again says, "In comparison to you, I am not a man; thus, if you wish to beat me, the choice is yours, as my lack of testicles renders me defenseless."
Offer to buy him a drink. Nothing says "no hard feelings" like the purchase of alcohol. Ask him what he's drinking, but also offer to get him a top-shelf item for his troubles. He'll probably still request a PBR, but your generous offer shows that you dont' assume he's the zoo escapee you see standing before you.
Create distance. You're not looking to organize a rafting trip with him; you just want him to not beat the crap out of you. Once you've calmed him down, move to the other side of the bar and resume talking with your friends. If your eyes meet his again, raise your glass and remind him how refreshing that ice cold peace offering in his hand is.
Find another bar. Okay, so you've apologized, bought him a drink, and stayed out of his hair; but it's 1:45AM, he realizes he's not getting laid, and the only consolation is throwing you through the bar's neon-decorated plate glass window. What now? Leave. Quickly. But don't run. Unless he's chasing you. Then run into the nearest gas station bathroom, curl up in a ball and sob until the bad man loses interest.
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